Up until this point I had an idea and I didn't know the why. Why am I making this? But now I think I know. I was thinking about how I was trying to make a connection with the people in my images but how it wasn't working. My thoughts for the topic weren't cohesive and they didn't really make sense. That's when I thought, I'm not really trying to make a connection with other people, I want other people to make a connection with me.
Because of everything that happened with my step-dad, I found myself feeling very alone. I don't feel like I can really relate to anyone who has been through what I've been through. It seems as though the majority of people who have been molested go through some crazy drug binge or something and I never found that to be appealing or an answer to my problems. Also, because this isn't really a topic that people bring up for casual conversation it's hard to know who's dealt with what. This is why I need people to connect with me. I feel like sometimes the connections I make with people aren't what they're supposed to be, or perhaps I do most of the reaching out. Something that I'd like to experience, and perhaps this is why I make art, is for a person to reach out and pursue a connection with me, whether that be me the person or me the art.
Here is the final direction that my project is going in. I'm really confident in this subject and I feel very confident pursuing it. I'm photographing the feelings I had going through the ordeal with my step-father as well as the after effects of it. Rather than using myself as I have in the past, I'll be using someone else in order to look at my experience from the outside. I think it will be therapeutic to separate myself from the situation.
I know this is long winded, but I hope it makes sense. I felt like I was having an epiphany today and it felt wonderful.
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