Idea Post -- Relationships pt. 1 -- 3.31

During my individual meeting, Paul suggested that I investigate symbiotic relationships that exist in nature as well as the relationships that exist between say a mother and child or a doctor and a patient.  I will be examining the latter examples in this particular post.  

Doctor / Patient

The doctor-patient relationship seems very delicate as far as touch goes.  The practitioner's touch has to have a sort of neutrality to it that is careful not to belie any kind of tenderness or forcefulness that could present itself as suggestive behavior.

When I did a google image search, aside from finding an abundance of porn, I found a lot of images of doctors holding patients' hands in a comforting type of gesture, which is interesting to me.

Parent / Child

These images were all about embraces, kissing noses, touching heads, and the parent holding the child up in the air.  There wasn't much variety, here, but it gave me some ideas like a cow tongue licking a forehead, but because that's such a common image (the cowlick and all) I'm really going to have to work with lighting and angles to achieve something wonderful.

Idea Post -- Sexuality -- 3.24

During my mid-term critique, I had mentioned not wanting to over-sexualize my model because I thought that may detract from my work as it is not really about sex.  Jenn White, though, said maybe it was something I should explore and I could probably do so without being pornographic (which I think may have been my word, I don't know). Something I'm concerned about here, though, is it becoming a little too forced as far as the strange factor goes. I fear that my images may become funny and that's not what I want at all so I'm a little nervous going into this area but I'm not walking away from it yet.

Idea Post -- Contextualizing Location -- 3.10

One thing that was mentioned in my critique that I really grasped onto was what can be said for the amount of creature that cannot be seen outside of the frame.  In a comment on my critique blog post Sarah Hauser commented that perhaps I should contextualize the location in order to show where the prop is coming from. For example, in the tentacle image, perhaps have the model in a pool or bathtub.  In the image with the chicken foot, maybe have a table next to the model with the foot extending from that.  While I don't think this is necessarily a bad suggestion, I think it would take something away from the mystery that stems from not knowing where the object is coming from or why.  I think it is much more eerie and unsettling to have a kind of phantom limb coming at you from an unidentified place.

Idea Post -- Agency -- 3.3

Going back to what I'd said in my individual meeting post, Paul and I had discussed the necessity for my objects to have the illusion of agency, or rather,  the ability to make a decision to touch or not to touch.  This factor is what we decided made the tentacle image more successful than that of the strawberries or the portobello.  With this in mind, I've come up with a few ideas (not without help from the ever lovely Ms. Hobson & Ms. Hauser) that I will list below.

fox tail
coyote paws
beaks
chicken feet
fish heads
jelly fish
pig feet
cow tongue

My favorites so far are cow tongue and chicken feet so I plan on shooting those first. I really think this is going to recapture the glory of the tentacle picture that I haven't been able to repeat thus far.

Idea Post -- Brainstorming List -- 2.24

Things that are bad, uncomfortable, repulsive, etc:
caviar
mold
blood
social situations
weeds
cold
medicine
tooth ache
bones
wicker
sweltering heat
sand

Things that are good, precious, sweet, etc:
strawberries
flowers
kittens
puppies
cookies
silk
the hand of a lover
a mother
tea
warmth
water
pillows

i'm drawing so many blanks it a little pathetic.

Idea Post -- Color -- 2.17

I will be updating this in a few hours after I've had more time to peruse the book that I have on color!

So maybe it's been more than a few hours, some may say a week has passed. I've read a few chapters in the book Color by Victoria Finlay including those covering Ochre as well as Black and Brown.  What's interesting to me is that although these things are relatively common, at one time or another they were very precious and blood has been spilt in order to protect the sacredness or exclusivity of the item whether it be ochre or lead or whatever.

In her the chapter on ochre, Finlay mentions the meanings of red which can not only be violence or blood but also fertility or the sun.  I feel like this is true of most colors green is sickly but also fresh, blue is soothing but also sad.  With that said, shades need to be taken into consideration in order to convey the proper mood.

Idea Post -- Home/Gothic Fiction -- 2.4

DEFINITION

 home [hohm] - noun: 

1. a house, apartment, or shelter that is the usual residence of a person, family, or household
2. the place in which one's domestic affections are centered
3. any place of residence or refuge: a heavenly home

Home is a concept that has always seemed foreign to me.  I've never quite related to the idea of a space, a sanctuary type of place where no harm can come to me. Perhaps this is because at any place that I've ever called home, I've experienced some sort of betrayal, in a sense. Rather than the typical depiction of a home as related in the image above, I feel as though my understanding of a home more closely identifies with the idea of a home as found in gothic literature.


The home in gothic literature is architecture, a dwelling, and it is as corrupt and crumbling as the characters that find residence inside of its walls.  Horace Walpole is said to be the author to birth the movement with the novel the Castle of Otranto -- rife with melodrama, parody, and decay. None of the inhabitants are sound of mind and the evil that snakes through the stories is not a physical ugly creature -- no Frankenstein, no Dracula -- but rather a psychological malice or disease that consumes the player that it is found in. The house itself is typically in some sort of disrepair or in the process of decaying which represents the irreparable state(s) of its inhabitants.


While I can't say that my experience has been to such an extreme, it felt as though my life were in such a state of shamble. My childhood home was always in various stages of being "fixed up" which lead to splintered floors, stray nails, and other precarious circumstances that needed to be navigated around.  Family matters were no better and persisted even after the divorce of my mother and step-dad. My own mind was ravaged by the aftermath of various encounters with my step-father and that weight was a lot to deal with and still carries with me now. 


I hadn't quite made a connection between this and my work before, I knew the events which have really fueled my work, but the home aspect hadn't really made itself apparent to me and now I'm interested to see how this realization will impact my creations for this semester.

Idea Post -- Idea for Continuation in Second Semester

In reference to this image:

closer to you, 2009

I'm thinking a series of intense closeups where something is being applied to the person to make them severely uncomfortable. I think this would be a more cohesive way of getting my point across. I'm also thinking of working in two separate veins. Rather, I would like to conduct two separate projects that deal with the same theme in two different ways. Whether or not this happens remains to be seen, but I thought it pertinent to get these thoughts down so that I can come back to them later.

Idea Post -- Idea for a Photo

While I'm not sure if I will be able to attempt this (it all depends on my model's availability before the end of the semester) I thought of something that I believe will really get across my point for the following series of images.  These are all of the incarnations this photo has seen:

 

three incarnations of a certain distaste, 2009

So I'm thinking that the framing would be similar to that in the second incarnation however his head would be tilted up and a fencing foil would be held to his throat while he has the fork or knife either right above or sticking into the dish laid out before him.  It would show the forcefulness without being too overpowering, I think.

Idea Post -- Elco Color Printing and Mounting

So after my meeting with Tom we discussed size and presentation for my work.  While I think that 18"x12" is a nice size, I would like to see these images bigger and he mentioned the ongoing poster print sale at Elco Color.  Here is the price listing:

I'm thinking that the 30"x20" prints are looking like my best bet. Not because they're cheaper, but because they're more of the size I want -- just slightly bigger than what I originally presented.  Tom had also mentioned that another student, Zack Concepcion, had gotten his Elco prints mounted there as well. So, I looked into this:

While I don't have a problem with foamcore, and it would be nice to do a one stop shopping kind of thing, these prices are just way too high.  For the critique, I went to Main Art and got 5 prints mounted for I think $28, which is a really great deal especially considering the turn around time (I got them back same day).

I think my best bet is going to be to get my prints made at Elco and then have them mounted at Main Art. I just have to make sure I give myself enough time to get everything taken care of.

All images are screenshots from the Elco website.

Idea Post -- Display Ideas part Deux

Here is a beautiful diagram of how I would like to present my final piece:

The hanging red/white things in the middle are my images. I want to have a light shining in the middle space. There will be curtains sectioning off the area from the rest of the room, however it won't be small like it was at mid-term, it will only serve to define a space so that the room that I present in (I anticipate room 305 ) will not distract from my work.  I actually got this idea from Ashleigh.  We were talking about how I feel there is no beginning or end to this particular work. She mentioned it being cyclical and what if I hang my images in a circle where there is no defined start or end and when the person enters the space they just go around and around. I like this idea of entrapment to go along with my work and having my audience being stuck in the endless cycle that I find myself stuck in on the day to day.  I think it would be a very effective way of showing my piece for this reason.

Idea Post -- Word Association? pt 2

Last time I did one of these, it was things that I was considering putting in my images.  This time, I'm going to put down words that I want my work to embody and communicate. Or rather, these are words that I want to be associated with my work as a whole, not necessarily only in this piece.  Some of these words may not even be expressed in my work thus far.


cold
despondent
numb
feigning
pressure
loneliness
fear
anxiety
reluctance
distress
chill
weight
hopeless
trembling
exquisite
somnambulation
solitary
confined
aching
hesitation
separation
fading
falling
distress
lost
discarnate
dissolving
silence
reflection
restlessness
disassociation
haunting
isolation
futility
fey (as explained in this definition: Magical or fairylike; Strange or otherworldly; Spellbound; Doomed to die)
creeping
decay
fallen
sickness
gnawing
fright
exhausted
worn
drowning
unashamed
resolute
clarity
rebirth
calm
freezing
blue
grey
black
bleak
icy
surreal
shattered
jagged
lucidity
dreaming
erased
frail
freezing
frozen
stripped
pale
abject
hidden
weeping
crying
seeping
rotting
choking
fragmented
sorrow
pain
seclusion
flawed
discontent
binding
desperation
displacement (from this definition: In psychology, displacement is an unconscious defense mechanism whereby the mind redirects effects from an object felt to be dangerous or unacceptable to an object felt to be safe or acceptable.)
abandoned
echoing
cutting
isolation
somber
hollow
longing
pleading
tainted
impure
crawling


Sorry for any repeats, they were just flowing out like water.

Idea Post -- Display Ideas

This is still in it's early stages but I think it's about time that I start considering how I'm going to present my final pieces. I'm wondering if maybe I should have sounds as part of my installation (if I choose to do an installation) but my concern is that any sound I want to use is going to be clichéd.  I want to create a monologue with sound (not words, per se) that would accent my work and help lend to the mood.  I think within the confined space where I plan to show my work, it would lend to a personal moment that you are experiencing because a moment, a memory, is a compilation of sights and sounds and maybe even smells.  My concern though in needing a specific space for my work is that when picking out a gallery space, I would need a small in which to present my work.  I know that I can build something, but I'm a) not confident in my building skills and b) I really just don't have the money for building.  I've still got a lot of thinking to do here, but the wheels are certainly turning.

Idea Post -- I don't know that I have any ideas...

I don't know how I really feel about this idea, but it came to me on a whim so I'm going to hear it out.  I'm thinking of a piece that would cause the audience to interact with it, to actually put them in my place so to speak. I would have an image similar to this one:

a certain distaste, 2009

But it would be the model with a fork and knife in his hands, fists on the table, staring straight at the camera. The food would not be visible in this image. The image would be hung at the end of a table. At the opposite end of the table, facing the image would be an empty chair for the viewer to sit in.  In the middle of the table, would be the dish with the fish, octopus, lamb leg (not pictured), and bone marrow (not pictured) with a fork and knife on either side of the plate.  I would want the table to be small so that the person was being confronted by the image, stared down almost.  I feel like in the right setting this would be very uncomfortable for the viewer, which is something I want. I don't know if I'll follow through with this, but it's something to think about.

Idea Post -- Lighting Situation

the quiet of coursing thoughts, 2009

something to hold on to, 2009

 

a certain distaste, 2009

A note: These were not saved for web and reshoots are imminent! I just need to get my model back from Savannah.

Anyway. I'm pretty happy with how the images are taking shape and I'm working on how I want to continue to depict this series.  The first image posted is, I think, perfect in the way I want it to be. The second image needs a couple technical adjustments taken care of -- there is a glare on the photo in the cage which I think needs to be taken out, but I think I might like how it obscures the face. The problem though is it doesn't look intentional so I think ifI want the face obscured, I need to find another way to do it. With the third image, I'm pretty happy compositionally, but the lighting is unappealing to me. That is why I'm making this idea post, to post my idea on how to relight the image.

Here is a very sorry diagram of what I'd like my lighting to look like:

So what that is, would be a light with a snoot shooting across his eyes so that they are lit more than the rest of his face in a streak kind of  and then I would have a fill light (not pictured) making sure that everything else was illuminated as well. I talked to Shawnee about this since she understands light better than I can and I probably couldn't light my way out of a cave, at least not with any kind of intention. That's my idea for that image though.  I'm trying to convey the struggle that I felt while living with my step-dad and enduring the pain that went along with that. I think looking at my images so far, I'm happy with what I'm coming up with and I'm excited to continue shooting.

Idea Post -- A Revelation

I was in the shower this morning, thinking about my project.  I was thinking about my shoot for later in the day and considering images that I would be making and suddenly I found that my concept had a complete makeover.  Actually, the real change was the fact that I'd thought of a concept.

Up until this point I had an idea and I didn't know the why. Why am I making this? But now I think I know.  I was thinking about how I was trying to make a connection with the people in my images but how it wasn't working.  My thoughts for the topic weren't cohesive and they didn't really make sense. That's when I thought, I'm not really trying to make a connection with other people, I want other people to make a connection with me.

Because of everything that happened with my step-dad, I found myself feeling very alone.  I don't feel like I can really relate to anyone who has been through what I've been through. It seems as though the majority of people who have been molested go through some crazy drug binge or something and I never found that to be appealing or an answer to my problems.  Also, because this isn't really a topic that people bring up for casual conversation it's hard to know who's dealt with what.  This is why I need people to connect with me. I feel like sometimes the connections I make with people aren't what they're supposed to be, or perhaps I do most of the reaching out.  Something that I'd like to experience, and perhaps this is why I make art, is for a person to reach out and pursue a connection with me, whether that be me the person or me the art.

Here is the final direction that my project is going in. I'm really confident in this subject and I feel very confident pursuing it.  I'm photographing the feelings I had going through the ordeal with my step-father as well as the after effects of it.  Rather than using myself as I have in the past, I'll be using someone else in order to look at my experience from the outside. I think it will be therapeutic to separate myself from the situation.

I know this is long winded, but I hope it makes sense.  I felt like I was having an epiphany today and it felt wonderful.

Idea Post -- More on the Altars

 

At this point I'm pretty confident that I'll be using altars in each of my images.  I'm actually struggling with calling them altars because I think that's a pretty loaded word but I don't know that there's really anything else to call them.  I want them to represent some kind of loss for the sitter, not necessarily a loss from the reality of the model but one that I am projecting onto them. I also want to toy with having the altar on its own in the space but with room around it so that a person could inhabit that space. I think that might have some interesting implications.  I'm also still toying with the idea of shooting outdoors but maybe scrapping the idea I had before about the tree in the field (although like I think I said before as well, I may just make the image to get it out of my system).  As far as the outdoors goes I was thinking again with domestic spaces such as front and backyards.  I don't want to stray too far from the home because I think that's where the mourning/honoring process mostly takes place (with the exception of public ceremonies that occur at places like cemeteries but as much as I love cemeteries I think it would be wise to stay away from them).

I've been doing a lot of looking around for the pieces that I want to use within the altars and have been looking back at the list that I made.  I found a couple artists that I will be doing blog posts on who work with assemblages, kind of in the vein of Rauschenberg.  I think that would be the best way to go about the altars but I'm concerned with making them the main focus because I really like having people in my pictures.  I want the assemblage to reflect the sitter in some way. I've got a lot to think about still.

Images courtesy of Google Image Search

Idea Post -- Word Association?

bird cages
meat
mold
cat tails
hard boiled eggs
oversized things
shadowy figures
altars
candles
flowers
long exposures?
darker lighting?
reflections
disconnect
eye contact
no eye contact
porcelain dolls -- full and in parts
baby doll parts (hands)
cats cats cats cats cats
record player/victrola
monocle
opera glasses
gloves
feathers
gears
keys
antlers
teeth -- anatomical dental models and smaller teeth
milk
light bulbs hanging from cords
antique cutlery
dead pan
candid
posed
lower camera angle
hourglass
playing cards
top hat
long cigarette filter
knives
meticulous placement of items
ABC blocks
virgin mary candles
horse bit
reins
ribbons
bruises
orb mirrors
palm reader's hand diagram
cameras
old images (victorian, memento mori)
x rays



I really felt like I needed to sit down and do that.  With that said, I think it was very helpful.  I prefer to do a lot of thinking before I actually DO things, which includes the sketches that Jeff suggested I do before reshooting the pictures. Today I went with Ms. Hobson to the library and I made out with a nice stack I think, so hopefully this will satisfy the idea requirement for now. I really like posting in here I think it's helping me sort my thoughts out which is a good thing.

Idea Post -- Altars/Locations

I've been doing a lot of thinking about what I could include within my pictures and I'm thinking some kind of altars or shrines in each image. Maybe not all of them, but some, and not necessarily religious altars.  I plan on researching altars a little more, but I think that maybe in one or two images having an altar of absurd objects might be interesting.  I also had the random thought of having a vase of cat tails in an image. Not the plant but actually cat tails.  I'm not sure how I'd pull that off, but I think it may be something worth pursuing.

I was also thinking of maybe shooting some non-domestic scenarios as well.  I was thinking of a picture (and I think this maybe is what I'm not supposed to do but here's the idea anyway) where I have a model in a field and in the distance there is a tree but there is something/someone lurking around/in the tree while the model is somewhat unassuming of the presence behind them.  I think this might be straying from what I'm going to end up doing, but I think I may make this image to get it out of my system. I don't know I feel so reinvigorated and apparently it shows as Ashleigh told me the very same thing today.

Both images found through Google Search.

Idea Post -- Or is this a lack of Idea post...

I'm struggling.  I did a shoot with my friend Michael to kick off my people in their rooms series but looking over the pictures something just felt missing.  I think what was missing was me.  Not to say that all the pictures were horrible, I like them just fine but there was only one I felt anything from which was this one:

Test Image, Michael's Room, 2009

I'll post the others tomorrow in my meeting post but this was the only one that really said anything to me.  Maybe that means that this is the direction that I should go in within the series or if it's just further proof that I'm just drawn to darker themes.  I was talking to Sara about my dissatisfaction toward this series and how I feel like I need to focus on myself instead of other people.  She mentioned how it might be worth going back to what I was doing with my concepts project where I was focusing on what I'm dealing with in regard to the effects my step-father's abuse is having on me now, after the fact.  

The only problem there is, I'm not sure where to go with it.  I just feel completely uninspired and I'm not sure what to do about it.  Last week I felt full of excitement and motivation and ideas but now I just don't know what happened.  I feel like I need to have something awakened in me and I don't know what to do to awaken it. So much for an idea today.